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Cool concepts

The thing I would love to do is go somewhere with palm trees. I live in somewhere where we don’t really have that sort of thing.

typing keyboard

A New Blog

My friend was telling me that he wants to start writing more.  He was talking to me about it cuz he knows I write a lot

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Finding Ways To Make Money

I am thinking about looking into other ways to make money.  I’ve been talking with someone who says that he has been able to make some

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Living Life

I want to take more time for myself and do some of the things that I want to do.  You know, I’ve spent a lot of

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My Job Is Awesome

This week my shop gave in and bought some well-needed tools. We have had issues with not having the proper tools to work on the cranes

 
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What You Say Does Not Matter

You really can meet someone anywhere.  A lot of guys get hung up on the “what do I say to her?” part of the approach.  The truth is that it doesn’t matter.  It literally doesn’t matter what you say.  In fact, most people don’t even remember what the first thing their friends said to them was.  Do you?

I was at a health food store and I saw a cute girl that I wanted to talk to.  I walked over to the aisle she was in and started looking around, and for a moment I had that feeling that everyone gets: “I don’t know what to say to her!”  It’s funny because even when you realize that it doesn’t matter, you still have those thoughts.  I saw her reach for a bottle of green coffee bean extract and knew I could use that as a conversation starter.

“Hey, does that stuff really work?”

She turned to face me and smiled.  From this point forward it was just a matter of vibing and the actual conversation didn’t matter.  She talked a bit about where she heard about the supplement, said she didn’t know if it worked or not but wanted to try it.  She already had a nice body so I don’t know why she was interested in a weight loss product, but that’s just how some people are.  So we chatted for a bit but I had to get going so I got her number and left.

The truth is I probably could have said anything to begin talking to her.  The only reason I chose to use the thing she was holding is because it was convenient and wouldn’t seem like I was “trying” to hit on her.  You know, we were just talking.  But even that doesn’t matter.

So I’m not telling this story to say you should go hit on women in health food stores.  It was meant to be an example of how to use things in your environment to help you talk to someone when you would otherwise be wondering “what do I say?”  It doesn’t matter what you say, just say something, and just be confident when you do it.  I asked her because I was actually curious about the stuff she was looking at, not just as a stupid conversation opener.

On a related note, I actually have been hearing more about green coffee extract recently, so I was actually curious what she had to say about it.  It turned out she was kind of in the same situation where she has been hearing it mentioned in various places but didn’t actually know much about it.  So our shared curiosity set the foundation for an interaction that went well.  And btw, I texted her later that evening and she replied right away.

the-world

Foreign Language Opportunities

I have always been a lover of language.  Ever since high school when I first had to take Spanish, I’ve thought they were cool.  There’s something that fascinates my brain about the way languages are constructed and the way they change over time.  I can’t explain it.  I have books on linguistic theory that I read for pleasure.  I’ve studied a handful of languages both on my own as well as in school.  It’s like my secret nerdy hobby that I can really only talk about with other linguaphiles.  I mean, the average person took like two years of Spanish or French in high school and that was it.  They didn’t really enjoy it; they just took it because it was a requirement.  So when most people find out that I study foreign languages for fun, they think I’m joking!

Like I said, I mostly just do it for fun, but it has presented some unique opportunities for me as well, both in my personal life as well as in my professional life.

I met a girl in college who spoke Korean, who thought it was cute that I was studying Korean and offered to help me, but it was really just a pretense for us to hang out together.  By the way, Korean is by far the most difficult language I have ever studied.  I don’t want to get too off topic here, but basically it has a pretty simple writing system, but everything else is complicated.  And the thing that makes it so difficult is that so many of its phonemes (the sounds that make up the language) are so close to each other that non-native speakers often have a hard time distinguishing (and pronouncing) them.  I’ve been studying it on and off for years, and I still have a hard time understand what is being said, even if I already know all the words used in the sentence.

At a business convention for a previous employer, I saved the day by helping a Japanese client that didn’t speak English that well.

I was introduced by a friend to a pretty girl from Spain because I spoke Spanish.

I was offered a position in Paris because I had studied French.

I was able to get a good rate on Sriwijaya Air tickets when some friends and I took a vacation in Indonesia because I had learned a little bit of the language and was being polite and patient.  On a related note, Indonesia is beautiful and full of delicious food.

In addition to dealings with people, knowing another language also opens up a world of new movies, TV shows, and books (if that’s your thing).

I would recommend anyone study a foreign language if it’s something you find interesting.  It can open up doors that you wouldn’t have otherwise even known about.

 

 

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The Right and Wrong Reasons To Give Gifts

Well, it’s that time again.  It’s the holiday season and, assuming the world doesn’t end on December 21st, we will be expected to give gifts to each other this year.  I want to talk about some of the situations that can accompany gift giving.  They always say that it’s better to give than to receive (and it is), but that is only true if you are giving or receiving for the right reasons.

Some people give gifts because they feel obligated to.  This isn’t a good way to feel, especially if you’re in a situation where you’re needy enough to think that another person liking you is contingent upon you giving them a gift.  This idea can manifest itself like “I have to make sure I give them a good enough gift to keep their interest.”  If you find yourself feeling that way, you should probably take a step back and look at the situation.  You certainly don’t want to be spending your time with someone who likes you because you give them gifts (or any form of spending money on them).  You know, there’s a word for someone who gives you their time and attention in exchange for your money…

In an ideal situation, all gifts are by choice.  I give my friends and family gifts because I want to, not because I have to.  I’m giving my sister a limited edition… (actually, my sister reads this blog, so I’m not saying!).  I’m giving my father a pistol safe.  I’m giving my mother one of those robot vacuum cleaners that goes around and cleans your floor automatically, and I’m making sure that I buy it from somewhere that allows returns just in case it ends up not working… cuz come on… is that actually gonna work?  But regardless, I’m getting these things for these people because I want to, and because I think they will like them, not because I feel like I have to.

The reverse of the above situation is using people’s insecurities to get them to get you thinks.  A lot of people do this, and it’s not just for presents.  How about a woman who will only go on a date with a guy if the guy pays?  Think about that: why is she spending time with him?  Is it because she enjoys his company, or is it because she’s getting a free meal?

I’m confident that all the women I date enjoy spending time with me.  I know this because I don’t pay for them.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, step back and ask what would happen if you didn’t get them anything?

I don’t care if my friends and family don’t get me anything.  In fact, I tell them not to.  I like them because they’re cool people, not because they get me stuff.

Of course, if they get me something, I won’t complain.

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What You Must Understand About Cell Phones

The addition of cell phones to our daily lives has changed the way we communicate with each other.  This is true not only for normal social activities, but also with more flirtatious activity.  Talking on the phone has always been a popular way to communicate due to its ease and efficiency, but over the last 6 years, text messages (also called SMS depending on where you life) has risen to the forefront due to its discreet and convenient nature.

I met up with a friend for lunch today and we didn’t even talk on the phone to coordinate.  A total of 3 text messages between us and we had everything all worked out.   And it took a total of about 30 seconds which is actually faster than it would’ve been if we talked on the phone.  Plus, he was at the office and it might not have even been possible for him to talk on the phone.

But that’s boring.  Let’s talk about texting women.

Women love texting.

Why?

It’s discreet, and discreetness is exciting.  You can send her a flirty message that she gets while she’s in the middle of a business meeting.  No one knows except you and her.

It’s convenient.  You can text her now and she can read it later.  Talking to people on the phone requires both people be available and able to talk, but a woman can text you now and you can read it and reply whenever it is convenient for you to do so.  This is insanely useful.  She’s bored at work?  She can text you.  You saw something while walking downtown that reminded you of her?  You can text her.  She’s on a boring date?  She can text you.  And her date will never know.  Why?  Because it’s discreet (see above).

It works in noisy environments.  Good luck talking to anyone on the phone at a club, but you can text them to tell them what time you’ll be there, or when the after party is, or she can text you to tell you she’s bored and wants to come over.

But the usefulness of cell phones isn’t limited to texting and talking.  I once got a woman’s number on a subway because she was playing Angry Birds and I happened to notice it as I walked past her.  I sat down across from her and noticed she was frustrated.  Turns out she couldn’t beat a certain level.  I laughed because I knew how she felt.  I have filled many a swear jar from getting mad at Angry Birds.  Lol.  But it didn’t matter, it was just an excuse to talk to her.  In the 5 minutes we talked before she had to get off, we clicked.  We exchanged numbers.

And later that night she texted me about how bored she was while on a date with someone else.  We made plans to grab a drink afterward.

Texting is great.

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Does The Kind Of Car You Drive Matter?

A lot of people think you need to have a nice car to have success with women. Luxury car salesmen will play up this angle, too, if a single man test drives one of their cars.  They’ll make a comment like “look at how the women turn to see who is driving this car as we drive past them.

Advertising companies play on this, too.  How many ads have you seen where a smooth, James Bond type guy is driving some luxury or sports car and he has a beautiful woman with him?  It’s trying to send the message that “if you buy this expensive car, beautiful women will want you.”  And of course they want you to think that, because if you believe it enough you might buy one of their cars.

So a lot of guys get it in their head that the kind of car they drive matters, and if they don’t drive a Ferrari or Porsche they feel like they are missing something.

Rubbish!

Let’s examine what is really going on here.  When a guy thinks to himself “I need a nice car to get women,” that is a belief caused by social conditioning.  As mentioned above, the advertisers want him to feel that way, too, because it increases the chances of him buying one of their cars.  So since the guy believes that he needs a nice car to have success, he feels like he doesn’t deserve success unless he has a nice car.  This becomes a self-limiting belief.

If he were to buy an expensive car, he would feel like he meets the criteria set forth by society to be successful, and his mindset would change, and as a result his behavior would change because now he suddenly feels like he deserves success.

But it has nothing to do with the car.  It has to do with your mindset and what you feel you deserve.

I have a friend who is a pretty frugal guy.  Let me set the scene here: he has a decent job, but he lives in a tiny apartment, much smaller than he could afford if he wanted, simply to save a few hundred dollars per month on rent.  He has never had a new vehicle in his life, and instead drives only used trucks which are quite the opposite of what the media tells him he needs.  He buys his clothes on clearance sales to save money.  He never goes to Starbucks and instead brews his own coffee at home.  Basically, he saves as much money as possible and doesn’t own any flashy things.  But he has such a strong concept of who he is that he always appears confident, and women love it.  They don’t even care that he drives used trucks.  They don’t care that he has a small apartment or doesn’t wear the newest name brand clothing.  This dude is in the right mindset and basically just laughs every time he sees a commercial for something that they’re trying to make it seem like he needs in order to be successful and happy.  He is successful and happy without all that stuff, and women can pick up on that, and it’s very attractive to them.

That’s the kind of thing that matters.  Not what kind of car you drive.

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Sometimes You Just Need to Let Her Go

Ever felt like you were trying really hard but your girlfriend just didn’t seem to respond in kind?

Sounds like she has low interest.

You can’t fight for a relationship with someone who has low interest because they just don’t care. Think of a gf you dumped because you weren’t into the relationship anymore. Would any amount of “fighting” on her part have made you interested again? Of course not. You had low interest.

What often ends up happening in these situations is you will make a passionate play for all the reasons you want to save the relationship, and they’ll just kind of sit there like ok, whatever. And then they might agree to it but only after you force them to answer because, again, they just don’t care. They’re probably enjoying seeing how reactive you are. But nothing will change and the interest will continue to be one sided.

This is why you judge people based on their actions rather than what they say.

If she’s not fighting for the relationship as hard as you are as evidenced by her ACTIONS, run, don’t walk. This can be hard when you still love the person.

Some people will try to manipulate you into feeling bad when you argue because they are crazy.

Sometimes she will say something like she “doesn’t know what she wants” or “doesn’t know if it’s the right time.”

That’s all you need to know she’s done, and you should walk away.

Why do you want to be with someone who isn’t 100% sure they want to be with you?

Do you enjoy convincing someone that they want to be with you? How long until you get sick of playing games to keep her interest level high enough to stay with you?

I know that logically you understand this but because you are in love with her and therefore emotionally invested in the outcome, you “want to make it work.” Unfortunately, she doesn’t.

I know because I’ve been in that situation before. Real life isn’t a Hollywood movie where you can “win” the girl and go on to live happily ever after. Even if you do “work things out,” this will always be the history of the relationship, and may lead to resentment in the future. And like I said, you’ll have to consciously work to keep her interest high in the future. It may be exciting for a while but it will become a chore eventually because you won’t ever be able to relax. But it may be a learning experience that you need. I didn’t listen to people when I was in that situation, either.

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When is a relationship worth saving?

Because you can’t make a ho into a housewife (and whatever the male equivalent of that is).

The reason people want to “work things out” is because they are chemically addicted to the other person. It’s the same reason heroin addicts try to be functional heroin addicts. Everyone would prefer to work things out because that’s emotionally easier, but it’s often unrealistic.

No one here says to leave if there’s a little problem, but when the problems represent fundamental differences between two people, neither person is going to change (and if they did, it would be temporary until resentment built up and the relationship ended for that reason), so the better solution is to find someone with whom you are more compatible.

The threads are usually “my SO is banging other people. How do I get them to stop and become a faithful partner?” You don’t. They’re either a) not interested enough in you to stay faithful, or b) their personality is such that they don’t do monogamy. Regardless of the reason, the outcome for the person asking the question is the same. They’re not going to have a faithful relationship, so the solution is to find someone who wants the same thing they want.

So when is a relationship “worth fighting for?”

It’s pretty much only worth fighting for if the reason it’s in trouble is because you screwed up.

If your woman is being shady, it’s not worth fighting for. Why? Say it with me: people don’t change (aka. you can’t make a ho into a housewife aka you can’t make a drama loving crazy into a stable partner).

“but I love her so much” is not a reason to save a relationship if she is being a bad SO.

Granted, myself and some other white knights have been in that situation before, it’s still not the right reason.

Put another way, it’s only worth fighting for if BOTH people demonstrate through their ACTIONS that they want to fight for it.

Unlike with stocks, when it comes to people, past performance is the best indicator of future performance.

If someone has cheated on every partner they’ve had, don’t be surprised when they cheat on you. What did you expect to happen?

It’s like the turtle and the scorpion.

Look at the hoarders on TV who get their houses cleaned out and back to normal. Within 6 months they’re usually hoarders again.

Yes there are exceptions. Pointing them out doesn’t invalidate the rule.

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How Much Does the Past Matter?

Some people are concerned about their significant other’s past and their number of partners.  Being insecure is not a good reason.  But here are some legitimate ones:

1) is it because they are insecure and need constant validation? Not someone I want to bother getting into a relationship with

2) People with lots of ONS have difficulty forming long term bonds (some study mentioned this). I’m looking for long term bonds.

3) Sex arguably means less to someone with a higher number. For example, if you’ve banged 1 person, and you’re dating someone who has banged 40, who is giving up more? The emotional implications here are real. It’s a big deal to you. It’s not a big deal to them. It is unbalanced. That makes me uncomfortable. YMMV.

4) Assuming they were flings/ONS, how many ONS do you need? Let me elaborate here. If someone had an ONS or two and decided they “didn’t like ONSs” as a result, that’s fine. But what if someone had 50 ONSs and then “decided they didn’t like ONSs.” Really? It took you 50 to come to that realization? In that case, it’s more likely that they don’t want to be judged that they’re telling you they “decided they didn’t like it.” I tried lima beans once. I didn’t like them. I tried them again a year later. Still gross. I’m not going to try them 50 more times in the course of two years because I’m not sure if I like them or not (I know that analogy isn’t exact, but it’s funny, so laugh)

5) Is it because they have an inextinguishable sexual appetite for new partners? Not someone I want to get into a relationship with.

6) Is it because they have poor judgement and thought each one was going to turn into a LTR and are just needy and will bang anyone who leads them on? Not a personality trait I want in an SO.

7) Do they “regret it?” Having lots of regrets may be indicative of poor impulse control or poor decision making. Everyone regrets some things. Regretting tons of stuff may mean you just suck at making decisions. Not a trait I want in a SO.

Just like women test men to see if we have backbones, I have my own tests for women. What is the nature of their character? Are they state chasing crazies? Can she control her spending? Can she control her temper? etc.

Of course there are exceptions to everything. Evaluate each situation individually.

Everything everyone has done is a reflection of their personality. Unlike with the stock market, when it comes to people past performance is the best indication of future performance. Do some people change? Sure. AK sounds like she has gotten to a better place in her life. If I was dating her I don’t think I’d worry about her banging random dudes.

Do I bet on most people changing? No. Especially not when they still show signs suggestive of their old ways.

btw, none of this is hypocritical. I fully expect women to judge me for the same stuff. If something in my past bothers you, don’t date me. It beats it always being an issue and building resentment. In fact, I would expect that, rather than a woman just dating me cuz I’m available and overlooking things that are dealbreakers to her. Have standards for yourself and others. It’s attractive.

Disclaimer: this is my opinion. There is no “right” or “wrong.” What’s important is that you and the person you’re dating are on the same page.

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High or Low Energy: Which is Better? Part 2

Once you understand social dynamics, you can break all the formulas and still have success because you just have a good feel for what will work and you do it without thinking.

When you start, it’s like, “ok, I gotta touch her 3 times in the first 5 minutes” or whatever. And you do it all awkwardly because you’re touching her because you’re supposed to and not because you want to. And she’s like ugh why is this guy touching me?

But then you get better and you’re like ok, 3 touches in 5 minutes. And you do it and it works.

And then you get to a point where you don’t have to touch her, but instead of failing, she touches you instead, because you understand attraction and vibing enough that even though you left something out, you compensated for it with something else, and you did it without thinking; just by feeling the vibe of the interaction.

All the classic, outer game PUA techniques (“did you see the fight outside?”, neg, kino, back turn open, prop lock, false time constraint, etc.) and stuff are just models to emulate while you learn this stuff from the outside in. They’re teaching inner game through outer game. Inner game, on the other hand,  approaches things more from inside your mind; it’s not about specific things that you should do or not do, but it’s about changing the way you look at things.  It teaches inner game with a little focus on outer game here and there. When you have inner game (foundational confidence), it almost doesn’t even matter what you do or say. Women don’t even remember the first thing you said to them anyway unless it was super crazy or off the wall. Confidence and a good energy (and chemistry which you either do or don’t have) is what matters.

So to answer your question, all else being equal, the best style is the style that the person is most congruent with.

All else is rarely equal, though.

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High or Low Energy: Which is Better? Part 1

I was recently asked who will have better success: a loud, high energy guy, or a more reserved, quiet guy?  Which one of those is a better way to be?

Short answer:

Assuming both guys have equal chemistry with the woman:

Whoever is more congruent with their actions.

Long answer:

If you’re naturally a loud obnoxious dbag, you’ll probably have more success being direct/teasing/etc. If you’re naturally reserved, you’ll probably have more success being the first guy. But you have to calibrate to the energy of the environment, too. Don’t be a loud obnoxious dbag at a poetry reading. Don’t be too calm and quiet at a metal concert. You can still be who you are, just tone it up or down depending on the situation.

This is where “be yourself” comes into play. But you can’t “be yourself” if you don’t have a baseline level of confidence. If you’re a nerd with no social skills, “being yourself” won’t get you success with a hot chick at the bar who gets hit on 20 times a night. If you’re a cool guy who has his life on track, “being yourself” will work just fine.

And when you’re a cool guy who has his life on track, it doesn’t matter what you do. Like Bruce Lee said, “the best technique is no technique.” Once you understand everything you can do whatever you want and it will probably work well.

It’s like… here’s an analogy if you’re a guitar player. When you are first learning how to solo, you learn the pentatonic/blues scale. You learn it in box formation or whatever it’s called. If the song is in the key of A, you just play an A pentatonic scale and it will work. Then you learn how to extend it, but it’s still the same A pentatonic scale. Then you learn the modes. If the song is in A minor you know that that’s the relative minor of C major so you can play a C major scale if you want, and that’s also F lydian so you can play in F lydian if you want, etc. And you keep learning and keep learning more and more stuff until one day if you master guitar and you need to solo over a song that’s in whatever key, you don’t even think anymore “ok, what scales do I need to do?” You just do it. And if you mess up and hit a bad note, you instantly compensate so it sounded like an accidental that you meant to do, and not only does no one know, but they say “whoa, that guy just threw in that accidental and totally sounded awesome right there!” You have a feel for what works and you do it without thinking.

It’s the same with mastery of anything.