High or Low Energy: Which is Better? Part 1

lounging 2

I was recently asked who will have better success: a loud, high energy guy, or a more reserved, quiet guy?  Which one of those is a better way to be?

Short answer:

Assuming both guys have equal chemistry with the woman:

Whoever is more congruent with their actions.

Long answer:

If you’re naturally a loud obnoxious dbag, you’ll probably have more success being direct/teasing/etc. If you’re naturally reserved, you’ll probably have more success being the first guy. But you have to calibrate to the energy of the environment, too. Don’t be a loud obnoxious dbag at a poetry reading. Don’t be too calm and quiet at a metal concert. You can still be who you are, just tone it up or down depending on the situation.

This is where “be yourself” comes into play. But you can’t “be yourself” if you don’t have a baseline level of confidence. If you’re a nerd with no social skills, “being yourself” won’t get you success with a hot chick at the bar who gets hit on 20 times a night. If you’re a cool guy who has his life on track, “being yourself” will work just fine.

And when you’re a cool guy who has his life on track, it doesn’t matter what you do. Like Bruce Lee said, “the best technique is no technique.” Once you understand everything you can do whatever you want and it will probably work well.

It’s like… here’s an analogy if you’re a guitar player. When you are first learning how to solo, you learn the pentatonic/blues scale. You learn it in box formation or whatever it’s called. If the song is in the key of A, you just play an A pentatonic scale and it will work. Then you learn how to extend it, but it’s still the same A pentatonic scale. Then you learn the modes. If the song is in A minor you know that that’s the relative minor of C major so you can play a C major scale if you want, and that’s also F lydian so you can play in F lydian if you want, etc. And you keep learning and keep learning more and more stuff until one day if you master guitar and you need to solo over a song that’s in whatever key, you don’t even think anymore “ok, what scales do I need to do?” You just do it. And if you mess up and hit a bad note, you instantly compensate so it sounded like an accidental that you meant to do, and not only does no one know, but they say “whoa, that guy just threw in that accidental and totally sounded awesome right there!” You have a feel for what works and you do it without thinking.

It’s the same with mastery of anything.